Paano na kaya

Sinubukan kong pigilan

Sinubukan kong wag maramdaman

Sinubukan kong sa iba na lang ibaling

Sinubukan kong wag kang mahalin
Mahalin nang higit pa sa kaibigan

Mahalin na parang walang hangganan

Mahalin kahit iba ang yong mahal

Mahalin kahit minsan mo kong nasasaktan
Nasasaktan sa tuwing siya ang kausap mo

Nasasaktan sa tuwing iniisip mo siya habang nandito naman ako

Nasasaktan sa bawat ngiting hindi ako ang dahilan

Nasasaktan sa bawat pagbigkas mo ng kanyang pangalan
Pangalan na hinding hindi magiging pangalan ko

Pangalan na hinihiling mong maging sayo

Pangalan ng taong posible mong mamahalin

Pangalan ng taong handa mong hintayin
Hintayin, oo, hihintayin pa rin kita

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero hihintayin kita

Hindi ko alam kung wala na talaga kong pag-asa pero hihintayin kita

Hihintayin kita kahit nakakasawa na

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I wish

Sometimes I wished it was my name that’d pop up on your phone. Sometimes I wished it was me you’re talking to every night. Sometimes I wished it was me you’re thinking about every time you’d wake up in the morning. Sometimes I wished I was the reason you’re happy again now. Sometimes I wished you felt the same way about me. Sometimes I wished it was me.

But there are nights, no, most of my nights were all full of wishful thinkings and I always asked myself why was it not me? Most of my nights I spent wondering of all the possibilities of you and me but it never happened. It will never happen. Most of my nights I hoped you’d say yes instead of no. Most of my nights kept me coming back to that one night you said a different name. Most of my nights tear me down, it broke me. 

And look at me now, it’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m thinking about you.

Currently 06

Listening: to Human Eyes by Clara Benin. So lately I’ve been listening to indie music though I’ve loved it even before it became mainstream. Yeah.

Doing: my JPIA duties lol. Hmmm, I’ve got a lot of tasks on my hand. More pubmats to go! #ABLAZE

Wanting: so much time. Pls do buy me some time. How do I even manage my time? Time. Time. Time.

Thinking: (1) about the post about our Alumni Homecoming that will happen next year!! Yes, it was funny. I don’t even know why it was funny. (2) of many things like would I mess up this year? Lord, please help me. I know I can’t do this without You.

Eating: Spaghetti!!! Huhu 🍝 At least, I did not skip a meal today!

Enjoying: the fact that I’m blogging about my 6th Currently!! I missed writing. This won’t even count as a blog! But if time would allow me, then I will! I’ll do it! So buy me some time pls!

Feeling: Frustrated. Terrified. Man, I’m being anxious for no reason.

My own kind of adventure

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Throughout my life, I’ve always belonged to a small group of friends consisting of three people and have had a best friend of my own separately. It was not difficult being friends with me but it was my choice to watchfully let people into my life. I thought maybe because it was hard to let them come inside my comfort zone. People, they had to break my walls. It wasn’t easy, not because I couldn’t let them but because I was terrified of them knowing me more.

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I thought having many friends was too much to put up with. But these people, they were all so surprising that I didn’t expect I could handle their tantrums, endless dramas, inside jokes and not to mention, their unique personalities that made them special.

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I’d like to say sorry. Sorry, for being the most childish in the group, for hurting you sometimes in any way possible may it be through the words I’ve said or actions I’ve done so carelessly, for mistakenly proving something that at times caused us chaos, for the times I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, for not being able to say the right words whenever you needed advice, and for all my shortcomings and mishaps as your friend.

I’m thanking you for staying by my side. Thank you, for being the bigger one and understanding my mood swings and bizarre needs and wants, for truly showing how you felt for me whenever I got sad or even depressed, for supporting me still and for choosing me as one of your best friends.

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I’m so happy that I hope you’d also value this friendship like I do. It’s heartbreaking saying goodbye to you because honestly you made my BSA Junior life bearable enough that I actually survived it. Know that whatever happens, I’ll always be here in spirit or even physically if time would still allow me. And If I’d repeat junior year, again and again, I’d still choose all of you. Now, there’s no need to look for “the one” when I’ve got five. I’m rooting for you guys and gals.

The Ship That Won’t Ever Sail

I want to write something about you. Yes, I just decided I want to write something about you. I don’t know why. Maybe not about you exactly. Might just be something about how you keep on making me feel excited every time you’d want to talk to me. Or maybe it’s just concerning about something you said to me three weeks ago that I don’t know why I still remember.  I’m not sure actually, I sense it’s about you keeping me up all night thinking whatever happened spending the whole day with you and the gang. But mostly, it was all about spending the whole day with you. Do you get me now? Are you as confused as I am right now?

You’ll probably just laugh at me right now. I’m guessing that if I tell you the truth you’ll just say I’m kidding and believe me, no matter how hard I try for you to notice you’ll never understand me. Sometimes I wished you knew but I’m glad you didn’t.

I wanted so bad to drop clues or maybe show you hints but I was always terrified. I didn’t what to know the outcome. I never wanted. I’d love to stay where we are now. I don’t want you to stop looking after me nor considering my own wellbeing before anyone else. I really appreciate those things that I’m being selfish to you sometimes. I don’t want to be that person. I’m not even sure if you’re treating others just the same. I don’t know how long I can hold on to something we have but I don’t want to ruin this. Why would I ever dream of ruining something that actually works? That’s why I’m telling myself to stop. I need to stop, don’t I?

Low maintenance friendships

I may have found the best of friends I could ever have in highschool but I never thought I’ll meet more of them in college.

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I have this theory that you’re only friends with people on college for the reason that you see them on a daily basis. These people proved me wrong.

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We may have argued a lot about trivial things that sometimes don’t even matter but I’ll always miss our inside jokes, our petty dramas in life and how we’d talk about our commonalities, interests and set aside our differences for awhile.

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I’d say that this, this is the kind of friendship I know would last. And I’m hoping that we’d all still be part of each other’s lives five years, ten years or even twenty years from now.

My Course and Whys

5 excuses for why we failed not at love but Accounting.

1. “It’s not you, it’s me.” Remember those days when you were still young, naive and as carefree as you can be. Let’s go back to the time when your father asked you for the first time what you wanted to be when you grow up and confidently answered him “I want to be a doctor. I want to save the lives of many people.” “I want to be a lawyer. I want to fight for what is right.” “I want to be an architect or an engineer. I’m going to build my own house someday.” Now, tell me, did the 5-year old you ever thought of saying “I want to be an accountant. I want to analyze an organization’s financial operations.” Probably not and probably this is one of the reasons why you fail in Accounting; because it wasn’t your dream. Perhaps, you’ve been planning your whole life ever since you were in kindergarten; what kind of person you’re going to be, in what university you’re going to get in and finally the dream job you want, the dream job you’re going to love. If right now you’re stuck in Accountancy for reasons other people may and will never know, may it be failing the qualification exams for Engineering or having no chance to be included in a quota. The first step to succeeding this course is learning to love it. When you start loving Accountancy everything will add up. It may be difficult but what’s the sense in blaming yourself for not being able to take the path you wished to.

2. “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” Most of the time, when we’re not doing anything, and midterm or final exams still months away; we tend to distract ourselves with minor things to do yet clearly we still have more backlogs to finish. We’re unable to assume our responsibilities and set our priorities. We’d always choose to watch kdramas/series/movies than pay attention to our books on a free day. Yes, it’s called a rest day for a reason but don’t kid me, even on a hell week you’d still manage to finish an episode. Always remember, there are some things that you will have to say no to in order to succeed.

3. “Nothing hurts more than trying your absolute best and still not being good enough.” We’ve all probably felt this way. Imagine having to spend twelve hours or even more studying, skipping on family occasions and other social gatherings, forgetting the blithe life you once had when you were not yet an Accountancy student only to find the results were not as rewarding as you expect them to be. They said that when you accomplish something you need to give your 100% best because if you don’t then you’re just wasting your time. We cannot also erase the fact that some students are underachievers and though they can finish school works, they lack initiative and enthusiasm. “Support system is a key to success.” It’s such a big help to be joining in a group of people who could lift you up and boost your confidence, someone who could help you in reaching your goals.

4. “I’m afraid I’m just going to fail myself.” Now, stop it right there. Validation starts from within you. It’s not gonna come from your parents, your professors, your friends or even your classmates; it all comes back at you. You need to believe in yourself, that you are able and capable of so many things. That failure was never an option and if ever once in your life you’d experience failing, think about what Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” It’s just a temporary setback and setbacks aren’t supposed to affect your future goals.

5. “Pointing fingers cause you’ll never blame yourself.” While there are a number of setbacks in life that can interfere with your plans in succeeding and focus on earning your degree, excuses will get you nowhere. Stop blaming your professors for lacking time in discussing all the lessons, you should’ve known better, stop slacking off saying you need to relax and reward yourself sometimes, rewards are at the receiving end not in the middle, stop complaining and challenge your excuses.