Tuliro

tuliro

Sumusulat na naman akong muli tungkol sa’yo, para sa’yo. Sa totoo lang hindi ko inakalang maglalaan pa pala ako ng isang pahina ng buhay ko sa isang taong hindi ko lubos pang kilala. Nakakagalak ng damdamin sa tuwing naiiisip kong isa ako sa pinagkakatiwalaan mo. Tuwing may bagong mangyayari sa’yong banda, nilalapitan mo ako at handa kang magkwento. Sabihin na nating palakwento ka lang talaga kahit sa ibang tao. Pero natutuwa akong binabahagi mo sa akin ang higit pa sa mga hilig mo. Magkaibigan tayo, alam na alam ko ‘yon. Siguro nga hanggang kaibigan lang talaga ako. Kaya bakit nila ako tatanungin kung umaasa ba raw ako. Sabagay wala pa naman akong nararamdaman? Kasi crush lang naman daw kung baga simpleng paghanga lang, lilipas din. Parang bata lang diba? Baka tama nga sila. Siguro napapangiti lang talaga ako sa tuwing nakikita kita, siguro iba lang talaga ‘yong pakiramdam kapag naririnig ko ang boses mo, siguro hindi ko lang talaga mapigilang tumawa sa mga biro mo, siguro normal lang talaga ang masabik sa mga bagong kwento mo. Hala, ewan bakit ba kita sinusulatan? Dalawang buwan pa lang naman nang maramdaman kong tila nagugustuhan na kita. Hala, ewan bakit ba ako nagbibilang? Sabi kasi nila kapag lumampas ng tatlong buwan, pag-ibig na raw? Hala, ewan ko rin. Hindi siguro kasi ang bilis naman kung ganoon diba?

Sweetest Downfall

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Missing you every now and then was probably one of the greatest challenges I’ve yet to conquer so far. It has been a battle between what my heart says and what my mind thinks so. And I’m the one who’s being beaten up every time because neither of them ever wins. It has always been my struggle to feel sad about many things which some are still vague to me. You, being one of them, are the highlight of it all. I can’t seem to find out why, yours was a blur path I can’t even pass through. I would say I’m past this, claiming it even so. But who am I kidding?

Seeing your face, the way you look so happy with me, happens only in my dreams now. Those were the moments you’d wrap your blanket so tight because you’re trying not to feel nostalgic all over again. I always remember you, so don’t you feel bad because I’m so good at remembering I didn’t mind you forgetting me. You made me strong then and now you made me weaker; weaker than I ever was before you met me.

Chances

chancesWe weren’t Popoy and Basha. One of us doesn’t get to have their second chance. Remember when you told me you wanted to give it another shot? That you were sorry and that you still feel the same. I thought it was fine to give people second chances especially when they deserve them the most. Or was I wrong?

We weren’t Popoy and Basha. I never got over you getting over me. You were the kind of memory that encourages itself to tear me apart, I just can’t get enough of the pain. And even though you’ve completely forgotten about me, about how I would always remind you of the little things you’d constantly deny you’re great at, the feeling you get whenever we would have the time to talk, those moments I made you smile and flinch; even though you’ve overlooked everything we had in the past, there wasn’t a time that you never made me proud to have loved you.

We weren’t Popoy and Basha. Our happily-ever-after ended too early to even be noticed. All these passing years, I always question myself what ever happened to forever. Maybe the word itself was already overused it doesn’t have a meaning anymore.

I never got my second chance; don’t you think I deserve it of all people? I asked this myself many times because I guess I still care. Do you still care? Is there any part of you that still wants to try again?

Dibs On Him

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You were my confidant, my soul sister. It’s like we’re siblings who came from different mothers. We were Robin and Lily from How I Met Your Mother or Monica and Rachel from Friends. Our friendship was something worth keeping for life. We liked almost all the same things gal friends could possibly be fond of. We root for the same boy band and fangirl every time we feel like. We fell in love with the characters from our favorite book, both wanting to have their own fairytale between those pages. We had the same taste in music that we both screamed our voices at the top of our lungs every time we would sing our anthem during recess at school. We would call each other ‘twin sisters’ because of the strong bond we had during those times. But there’s just one thing that never crossed my mind, I never thought we’d like the same guy. It was one of my weakest moments in life. I was sad and miserable about him. You were there, I was glad you were there. I shared everything to you, even cried my heart out to you. You told me not to worry because he’s just some guy.

Senior year. Just when I thought I’d have my shot, was the moment I lost it too. You told me you like him and that you’ve been doing everything to avoid these feelings that have been coming up. Even if it made me feel betrayed for one second that felt like months, I knew from that moment how pointless it was to blame you for everything. Because of all people, I should be the first one to celebrate it with you for finally finding the happiness that your family and friends can never give to you. Of course, his would be a different thing, right? I should’ve been proud for the both of you but I wasn’t. Maybe this is an apology letter I owe you two years ago, for not being a friend enough to let go of something that wasn’t even mine to begin with in exchange for my best friend’s happiness. It’s been rough and one hell of an adventure for the both of us. But I am thanking you for being so kind and for remaining truthful despite of me acting that way. Thank you for understanding and thank you for what you did because one way or another, it has lead me to one of the best things that ever happened to me.

First One To Break

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You were my one-piece chicken Mcdo and mango peach pie in this “Ma’am, willing to wait po?” world. Fate has its way of telling me to move on and devour myself to spend my yearning days to more important things. A victim of infatuation was I before you met me. I had no idea what love was, when all I had in me was a confused mind and a deceiving heart. Who would’ve thought I’d bumped into someone like you? Our souls were both lost and somehow found each other unknowingly at the most unexpected time. We both enjoyed each other’s company for quite awhile. We were each other’s firsts but probably not each other’s lasts. I can’t express how happy I was with the least moments I’ve had with you. You were the kind of guy I told myself whose worth the catch. I was more than willing to wait for goodness sake no one knows how long just to have you mine. And no, I never knew where it all came from. I just knew I loved you ad I never wanted to stop. I was wrong hoping you’d stay just because you said you’d never leave. I was wrong to ever admit that the bond between us will grow into something much deeper. I was wrong thinking we would last. I thought I already had my first heartbreak with the one I got infatuated before you. But how can I even call it heartbreak when there was no love at all, right? So I guess it was you, you’re the one who first broke my heart. You’re the one that’s causing all this pain. And it did hurt. It still hurts.

Prettiest Inside And Out

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I don’t even know where to and how to begin. Words aren’t enough to describe how amazing you were and still are. You were one of the happiest and extremely loving people I knew. You weren’t just an adviser to me, you were my mother. I’m still writing this although knowing you’ll not be able to read this anymore. Of course, who am I kidding? But maybe this wasn’t meant to be written for you to know but for the world to see how great you are. I just want to let it all out because every memory we shared kept on coming back hitting me all over. It’s just sad. It’s sad that you’re gone. I believe you always knew how thankful I am, having to meet someone like you. Thank you for believing in me and not only in me but for believing in II-Oxygen. We couldn’t be more proud to have you as our adviser. It was such an amazing feeling that through our four year stay in Cavsci, we never felt even for a second that we don’t have someone to rely on. You were so compassionate even if we weren’t your students anymore. I’d miss you hugging us every time we would visit the school, giving your camera or phone to other students and saying “Papicture naman kami ng anak ko”. I’d miss moments when one of us would be competing in national level or just accomplishing something and you would say “Anak ko ‘yan”. Thank you for being so supportive in every endeavor we faced. Those were the little things that would make me sob every time I would remember. And I know that you would hate us seeing sad because you were the kind of person who just laughed her worries away. I’m just really sad I don’t even know what to feel and how to contain my emotions because we’ve shared a lot and I just don’t want to throw it all away. There’s a reason for everything, I know, but this is surely one of the worst unexpected happenings in 2016. What a way to start the New Year. It’s tough when I want to be the kind of student who’d pay back to her teachers, especially advisers when the time comes I’ll be successful. But thank you, Ma’am. Thank you for being an inspiration. You will be missed.