Don’t Wanna Know – Maroon 5

​Sometimes I wonder how things would turn out if you were still here. Would I have been happier? The thought of you just won’t let go, the thought of us happening just won’t let go. I couldn’t. It’s been three years and I’m still counting more years, it’s funny that I’m still waiting for you to greet me on my birthday. I never stopped counting. Because the last time you greeted me on that special day, everything was where I wished it would be; it was perfect. What if I was wondering for no reason at all? What if I was reminiscing for something that never really happened? What if all of these just didn’t make sense? I’ll never know. And I’ll always want to know.  But you wouldn’t let me.

An Open Letter to the One Who’s Struggling

​Dear You-whos-striving-harder,

You’re probably wondering right now whatever happened in your life, what went wrong between those sleepless nights you were trying to understand a certain topic or a previous lesson in class, what made you think for one second that you weren’t good enough to pass, you wonder as time goes by whatever’s going on at the moment inside the four corners of your room, staring at the ceiling with burning eyes just waiting, waiting for a miracle, longing for better things life has to offer despite of having faced so many hitches these past few days. 

When all you ever think to yourself, “Was this the path I hoped for?”, “Am I better off disappointing people?”, “Will there ever be a chance for me to rise up again?”. It’s tough, I know. Perhaps, you cried a lot of tears already since yesterday and you still can’t accept the fact that you just failed one subject. You decided you were done with life because what’s good, you just keep on worsening and disappointing yourself. But then you remembered how giddy you were back in high school when you knew you got accepted in your college, you realized how close you are to fulfilling your dreams. All of a sudden you thought about what you’ve been telling your father when you were still a child, that you’re gonna be an Accountant; you’re going to live your purpose, your ambition.

Though it may seem that people can’t see you striving, not realizing how much effort you put in everything you do. You are passionate and always willing to learn. And they will even tell you how grades won’t define you. Now I’m telling you, it will; the only thing is you won’t let it. Even if people see so much greatness on students who get a passing grade even “1” and look down on students who get a failing grade. You won’t let them use it against you but I’m sure they’ll judge you for that. Some people always will. And my dear, never let that sink in. Take it as a wakeup call, maybe; that you were made for greater things. You’re going to make yourself and your parents proud because my dear, there’s so much potential in you; even if you fall short sometimes, even if you alone can’t see it. 

          From The-one-who-failed-many-times

Steak

I’m at this point in my life I wish I was dead. May it be hit by a truck, struck by a lightning, fell off the stairs, or accidentally hit by a stray bullet. I just wish I was gone by now because honestly, I decided that I’m done today. I want to disappear from my life as if I were never here. Maybe I live because I still have a purpose but whatever that purpose is, I’m still sad. I’m in my miserable phase, as always, and every day it gets harder. And I don’t know how much longer I can handle. I’m on the verge of a breakdown and I’m really tired of all these shits life has been constantly throwing at me. Having failed 3 out of 6 exams which were all my major subjects and counting, I think. I’m done trying my best. I just want to sleep and maybe never wake up. Because if this madness is going anywhere, there’s only one thing I’m sure of. It’s that people keep telling me that I could be anything, so I became a disappointment. I’m done trying to be good enough. I’m supposed to be good at this, at least. I’m not expecting to be the best. I just wish I was okay at this because of how much I Iove this degree and how passionate I was towards my dreams. But I was slowly turning into a mess and seeing my other classmates pass while I’m relentlessly failing makes me want to kill myself and I know it would be selfish and immoral. I’m just hoping that life would give its unexpected twist because if not, then I don’t know anymore. I’m just really done.

Three Cheers

I have more paper works to do, books to read and probably a lot of exercises and problems to solve because unfortunately our midterm week’s not yet over. But here I am, feeling miserable and nostalgic at the same time for the same stupid reason I’ve been bearing for the last three years. Three years, it is. My mother would probably scold at me if she sees me not doing anything or even reviewing for my exams. But what the heck, this was what I’m always good at, bleeding through pages every word that’s meant for you and you wouldn’t even know. I was always good at hiding my emotions. I was always good at ignoring you in person and never got to talk first. And yet, I’m bluntly saying what I’ve felt for you like saying those fucking three words you thought I did out of habit when everytime I’d tell you those words, it scares the hell out of me. I was afraid that the person I’m loving today is the same person I could lose and the hardest part was loving him still despite of it all.

To The One Who Used To Be My Happy Pill

Happy 18th Birthday, Babs! Yeah, remember that name? We used to call each other that way. Guess, it’s something to remember no matter how cliché we were back then. Time may have passed but I can still recall those moments where I felt that what we had was something worth looking back, or so I thought. We had something special and it’s fine if you’d deny it. But it’s your birthday; it’s such an embarrassment talking about myself. So let’s talk about you? What’s going on with your life? Have you been performing well in school? Did you gain weight? Or maybe lose even more because of all the stress; I know there must have a lot going on at the moment. It’s sad that I cannot talk to you anymore because I know you’d ignore my messages. Because of what happened, right? But man, it’s been two years. Hell, it’s been 2 years and I’m still stuck in here. But hey, give a chance (again) to greet you. I’m just going to greet you. Let’s begin this letter by saying thank you, thank you for all the times you made me incredibly happy, for appreciating someone like me. I would never even thought for a second that someone would appreciate me. Hell, I’m a mess. But with you, I was a beautiful mess. You’d always call me pretty I was almost convinced it was my name. Was. What a stupid word. Though, what’s been going on with my mind right now, yes up until now, is that I only hope that you have also felt what I’ve felt about us; that it was real.  What we had was real. I thought we’re in the same page in which we can be happy for each other. But hey I’m happy for you. Confused already? Me too. Should I ask for forgiveness? Yes, maybe. Because even if I didn’t hurt you the same way you did to me, it must’ve been really hard for you to get along with a person like me. Sorry, for causing you pain. I don’t even know how to end this. Some words are meant not to be told anymore but I’m sensing you know what I mean and if not then maybe we really don’t understand each other anymore. 2 years, get a life, self. So, Happy Birthday, T! I’m still here and I don’t know why.

Pagod Na Akong Umupo

Ang tagal ko nang hinihiling na ako na lang sana
Kasi pipiliin kita kahit hindi ako maganda
Kahit hindi kasing puti’t kinis ng balat ako ang balat niya
Kahit ang haba ng buhok ko’y umabot pa hanggang paa

Ang tagal ko nang hinihiling na ako na lang sana
Kasi pipiliin kita kahit hindi ikaw ang pinakagwapo
Kahit milyun-milyong lalaki pa ang ihain ng mundo
Hahanapin kita saan mang sulok ka nila itago

Ang tagal ko nang hinihiling na ako na lang sana
Kasi pipiliin kita kahit minsan ‘di mo na magets ‘yong sarili mo
Handa akong intindihin ang bawat bagay na gumugulo sa isipan mo
Sasamahan kita sa bawat byahe ng buhay mo

Ang tagal ko nang hinihiling na ako na lang sana
Kasi pipiliin kita kahit hindi ka pa sumisikat
Habang ‘di pa handang mabasa ng mundo ang ‘yong mga sinulat
Na sa gitna ng bawat pahina mo piniling ikwento lahat

Ang tagal ko nang hinihiling na ako na lang sana
Kasi pipiliin kita kahit tingin mo’y sa lipunang ito’y wala kang halaga
Nandito lang ako sa tabi mo kahit para sa iba’y wala kang kwenta
Sabay nating pangarapin na balang araw pangalan nati’y makikila nila

Ang tagal ko nang hinihiling na ako na lang sana
Kasi hanggang ngayon, mahal, ‘di pa rin ako nawawalan ng pag-asa
Pag-asang darating ang panahong sa akin mo na ibabaling ang ‘yong mga mata
At magiging ako na ang paksa ng ‘yong mga sinusulat na tula’t kanta

 

Don’t

Don’t fall in love with her
She carries loads and baggage of psychological emotions
She’s going to feel needy sometimes and you won’t like it
‘Cause that’s how vulnerable she is
She brings with her all the unnecessary issues of mankind
As she’s an overthinker, yes, she thinks a lot
She questions many things like science and religion
You wouldn’t want to deal with her curiosity
Because she’ll find answers and she’s going to ask you many times
She’s going to tell you how politics is a big fat joke
And the two of you will both argue
But not about you texting her late
Or seeing you like some other girl’s photo on facebook
You’re going to squabble how you’ll solve the alarming poverty in your country
How you’ll prevent what’s causing all these calamities
She’ll tell you all these things and you’re gonna laugh because you think she’s kidding
She reads books and writes fervently, it seems
That’s why you’re going to think she loves making up stories
She might be telling one about you someday
She’d rather stay up all night with a book than attend parties
Yes, she’s not a fan of worldly activities and you might be
So don’t fall in love with her